pls come back my sanity!

I havent been writing

it's not because I have been on

or because I have nothing to say.

I havent been inspired.

part of me think that it is the power of silence that controls my will to write.

I used to be those honest sort of person.when I was 13, I tried to put honesty in the stories that I make for the notice board in school.

I write problems around me using a "fiction" name, && when they read it "isnt this about me?" was their first reaction.

damn. I got busted.

then I forgot about writing stupid fictional stories to be a part of my emotional expression.

I tried blogging, still holding on to the elementof truth.

but fuck that, I got into lots of trouble for bitching about people.

Now, I truly dont see the point of people who uses blogs to bitch about people.

yeah, it's a form of expression. a media.

I appreciate that they'd rather write it down than scream it out loud in the middle of a shopping mall or create a scene while fighting with their spouses in starbucks.

but try to be more careful.

secret of the heart are truly best kept inside.

because if you pour it anywhere, there is evidence and you have to admit you said such things.

I know that I am not much of a honest person myself, but all lies I made to people I keep to tell my best friends and sister.

see, I dont know whether being this way prevents me from writing.

they say best writers write their own experience.

they say best articles or stories must be based on true events.

why?

because they say that it is much more emotional. real.

and the words are felt so strong.

really?

I want to live to break that fact.

that someone can write the most beautiful-est story, that makes million cries and laugh, which is a fiction.

and I want to live to find out that silence cannot stop you from writing.

that honesty is not the first thing you need for a good story or an article.

that you can fictionalize things.

that you can get inspired by fictional things to create one.

darn it!

I dont even know what I'm trying to say anymore.

I need bloody inspiration.

Lara Hati

isn't it unfair when you choose to be happy, another person on the other end gets hurt?

i miss you, and i wish there is a way that i could tell you this.

i'm breaking down a little, day by day.

its harder for me on weeknights.

i can cope morning, because I'm asleep.

i can handle day, because i get around.

but late nights, especially when it comes to midnight,

i think of you.

funny thing is,

i can't cry because we didn't spend time together long enough,

but i can't be cool cause it meant something.

i know it means something to me

and i know for sure, it means something to you too.

perhaps?

SUPPOSED TO BE?

im supposed to be writing a letter of appeal for an exchange location of campus,
but instead im writing in my blog, facebook-ing and coming up with extraordinary ideas.

im supposed to be hooking up with all those guys whose been intereseted on me,
but im always coming up with my own excuses as to why i shouldn't.

im supposed to follow my heart and let it takes where it leads me,
but instead i observe and analyze every action that may occurs particularly.

im supposed to be partying without a care in the world,
but instead im sitting here and worrying about my future.

im supposed to be young, silly and teenager,
but instead i know im smart, mature, but still a kid at heart.

im supposed to be living life to the fullest, seducing any guys that i want,
but instead i always believe and look for The One.

im supposed to be single and mingling,
but instead i choose to be in a long, commited, deep relationship.

im supposed to be a rockstar, or director, or a dancer,
but instead im studying accounting to become an accountant, or so they say.




we are,
never what we set out to be.
we are,
never what we planned.
but the difference is, when things change, how well we change with it,
and when opportunity knocks, how we grab it and run with it.




thats the difference between us and animals on the discovery channel.

mind my language.

To YOU.. Yes I'm talking to YOU!

I'll tell you this and I won't fucken say it again.

So please listen and bear in mind that I,
HAVE NO FUCKEN FEELING IN ANY OF MY EXES ANYMORE!

So what if I still talk about them? So what if I still talk to them? So what if we still be friends and go out, not as a date but as a friends?

Please put aside your ridiculous stereotype thinking and open up your mind. Not everything revolve around us got to do with fucken love and fucken lust. So yeah, I was fucking mad at them once upon a time. Some of my relation ends up with a bad closure. Some didn't. But that doesn't mean that we cannot make it up to one another and be friend once again. I'm tired of the war. I'm tired of back-bitching. I'm tired to please anyone of you.
I just liked you for being humble.

Sometimes, it is worth to be selfish. Selfish in the sense that i wont sacrifice my whole entire future life to make you fucken happy if it doesnt make me happy. So yeah, call me selfish! Go ahead and be my guest. If you think that you can't handle me enough, then get your hands off and fucken leave.

Hello It's me - Isley Brothers

Hello, it's me
I've thought about us for a long, long time
Maybe I think too much but something's wrong
There's something here that doesn't last too long
Maybe I shouldn't think of you as mine

Seeing you
Or seeing anything as much as I do you
I take for granted that you're always there
I take for granted that you just don't care
Sometimes I can't help seeing all the way through

It's important to me
That you know you are free'
Cause I never want to make you change for me

Think of me
You know that I'd be with you if I could
I'll come around to see you once in a while
Or if I ever need a reason to smile
And spend the night if you think I should

----------------------------------------

I heart this song a lot. This masterpiece
originally sings by Todd Rundgren but
The Isley Brothers sang it way better
and mix it up with the R&B instruments.
I just love The Isley Brothers version
because it is truly R&B with real instruments
not loops that we hear in today R&B.
Somehow, it's a shame they don't make
music like this anymore. There is this version
by John Legend which i personally think,
quite okay.. But a credit to them for
recognizing an extremely well written and
timeless song like this, and decide to put their
soulful spin on it.

To whom it may relates....

We used to be good friends,
Not that best friends,
It is the part that, I know your darkest secret,
and you know mine,
And we share the same thoughts and
made jokes about it.
I accept you for who you are,
and so do you.
But things change.
You've changed. I've changed.
We're not even friends anymore,
There's no need for words to spit from both mouth
to confess,
It is rather for me and you to know it better,
So let's not pretend.
We don't have to make that long and deep conversation,
enough with the hi,
and bye,
and let things go,
cos i forgive you,
and forget you too,
but we can make a small talk if you want to,
but that's enough.
I don't wanna get into your skin,
let bygones be bygones.