I'm not PERFECT,just UNIQUE..

pls come back my sanity!

2009-07-31T22:15:00.006+07:00

I havent been writing

it's not because I have been on

or because I have nothing to say.

I havent been inspired.

part of me think that it is the power of silence that controls my will to write.

I used to be those honest sort of person.when I was 13, I tried to put honesty in the stories that I make for the notice board in school.

I write problems around me using a "fiction" name, && when they read it "isnt this about me?" was their first reaction.

damn. I got busted.

then I forgot about writing stupid fictional stories to be a part of my emotional expression.

I tried blogging, still holding on to the elementof truth.

but fuck that, I got into lots of trouble for bitching about people.

Now, I truly dont see the point of people who uses blogs to bitch about people.

yeah, it's a form of expression. a media.

I appreciate that they'd rather write it down than scream it out loud in the middle of a shopping mall or create a scene while fighting with their spouses in starbucks.

but try to be more careful.

secret of the heart are truly best kept inside.

because if you pour it anywhere, there is evidence and you have to admit you said such things.

I know that I am not much of a honest person myself, but all lies I made to people I keep to tell my best friends and sister.

see, I dont know whether being this way prevents me from writing.

they say best writers write their own experience.

they say best articles or stories must be based on true events.

why?

because they say that it is much more emotional. real.

and the words are felt so strong.

really?

I want to live to break that fact.

that someone can write the most beautiful-est story, that makes million cries and laugh, which is a fiction.

and I want to live to find out that silence cannot stop you from writing.

that honesty is not the first thing you need for a good story or an article.

that you can fictionalize things.

that you can get inspired by fictional things to create one.

darn it!

I dont even know what I'm trying to say anymore.

I need bloody inspiration.

Lara Hati

2009-07-29T14:33:00.003+07:00

isn't it unfair when you choose to be happy, another person on the other end gets hurt?

i miss you, and i wish there is a way that i could tell you this.

2009-07-29T14:15:00.002+07:00

i'm breaking down a little, day by day.

its harder for me on weeknights.

i can cope morning, because I'm asleep.

i can handle day, because i get around.

but late nights, especially when it comes to midnight,

i think of you.

funny thing is,

i can't cry because we didn't spend time together long enough,

but i can't be cool cause it meant something.

i know it means something to me

and i know for sure, it means something to you too.

perhaps?

SUPPOSED TO BE?

2009-06-23T23:14:00.003+07:00

im supposed to be writing a letter of appeal for an exchange location of campus,
but instead im writing in my blog, facebook-ing and coming up with extraordinary ideas.

im supposed to be hooking up with all those guys whose been intereseted on me,
but im always coming up with my own excuses as to why i shouldn't.

im supposed to follow my heart and let it takes where it leads me,
but instead i observe and analyze every action that may occurs particularly.

im supposed to be partying without a care in the world,
but instead im sitting here and worrying about my future.

im supposed to be young, silly and teenager,
but instead i know im smart, mature, but still a kid at heart.

im supposed to be living life to the fullest, seducing any guys that i want,
but instead i always believe and look for The One.

im supposed to be single and mingling,
but instead i choose to be in a long, commited, deep relationship.

im supposed to be a rockstar, or director, or a dancer,
but instead im studying accounting to become an accountant, or so they say.

we are,
never what we set out to be.
we are,
never what we planned.
but the difference is, when things change, how well we change with it,
and when opportunity knocks, how we grab it and run with it.

thats the difference between us and animals on the discovery channel.

mind my language.

2009-06-20T12:25:00.004+07:00

To YOU.. Yes I'm talking to YOU!

I'll tell you this and I won't fucken say it again.

So please listen and bear in mind that I,
HAVE NO FUCKEN FEELING IN ANY OF MY EXES ANYMORE!

So what if I still talk about them? So what if I still talk to them? So what if we still be friends and go out, not as a date but as a friends?

Please put aside your ridiculous stereotype thinking and open up your mind. Not everything revolve around us got to do with fucken love and fucken lust. So yeah, I was fucking mad at them once upon a time. Some of my relation ends up with a bad closure. Some didn't. But that doesn't mean that we cannot make it up to one another and be friend once again. I'm tired of the war. I'm tired of back-bitching. I'm tired to please anyone of you.
I just liked you for being humble.

Sometimes, it is worth to be selfish. Selfish in the sense that i wont sacrifice my whole entire future life to make you fucken happy if it doesnt make me happy. So yeah, call me selfish! Go ahead and be my guest. If you think that you can't handle me enough, then get your hands off and fucken leave.

Hello It's me - Isley Brothers

2009-06-20T11:59:00.003+07:00

Hello, it's me
I've thought about us for a long, long time
Maybe I think too much but something's wrong
There's something here that doesn't last too long
Maybe I shouldn't think of you as mine

Seeing you
Or seeing anything as much as I do you
I take for granted that you're always there
I take for granted that you just don't care
Sometimes I can't help seeing all the way through

It's important to me
That you know you are free'
Cause I never want to make you change for me

Think of me
You know that I'd be with you if I could
I'll come around to see you once in a while
Or if I ever need a reason to smile
And spend the night if you think I should

----------------------------------------

I heart this song a lot. This masterpiece
originally sings by Todd Rundgren but
The Isley Brothers sang it way better
and mix it up with the R&B instruments.
I just love The Isley Brothers version
because it is truly R&B with real instruments
not loops that we hear in today R&B.
Somehow, it's a shame they don't make
music like this anymore. There is this version
by John Legend which i personally think,
quite okay.. But a credit to them for
recognizing an extremely well written and
timeless song like this, and decide to put their
soulful spin on it.

To whom it may relates....

2009-06-19T21:03:00.003+07:00

We used to be good friends,
Not that best friends,
It is the part that, I know your darkest secret,
and you know mine,
And we share the same thoughts and
made jokes about it.
I accept you for who you are,
and so do you.
But things change.
You've changed. I've changed.
We're not even friends anymore,
There's no need for words to spit from both mouth
to confess,
It is rather for me and you to know it better,
So let's not pretend.
We don't have to make that long and deep conversation,
enough with the hi,
and bye,
and let things go,
cos i forgive you,
and forget you too,
but we can make a small talk if you want to,
but that's enough.
I don't wanna get into your skin,
let bygones be bygones.

LOVE or LUST?

2009-06-19T20:54:00.002+07:00

When you fall for someone just because of the physical appearance and material stuff, then you're shallow.
When you fall for someone because of their personality or just because they're nice to you, then you're pathetic.
SIGH.
I want it both, I want it all.
So shoot me. Or perhaps, sue me?

CHASING IDEALS

2009-06-16T20:11:00.008+07:00

I have a problem, well, not just one but many. But one of the problems I find difficult to live with is, my body image. It's not that I'm overweight though, it is just I don't feel secure with my body image, cause I just found out that I have nearly 5% fat mass which means I have to lose around 5 kgs, perhaps? Before this my weight is around 52kgs, and recently it could be 3/4kgs higher than that. Gee. That's scary. I hate it when the figure exceeds 55. That is so wrong!

By confessing this, I know you guys might perceived me as ungrateful.
But guess what, it's time for a reality check. People nowadays favor all those skinny girls.
What about us, the not so skinny people? Where do they put us? Skinny people gave some kind of awe-struck and enviness to those who are unlucky, just like me. Well you know why? Why usually that happen? This is because we are human beings. Human beings are constructed to play roles throughout that lifetime, to always avoid negative stereotypes, to always avoid bad image, as much as people say "I don't care about how I look like and what people say", they're just human beings, and they do care as much as I do.

When you're 5 and you're 40kg it does look cute. People adore you.

But when you're 22 and you're 90kg, guess what? You are far from cute.
I feel heavier than my real weight. I go on a diet, drink a herbal teas, less eating those junkfoods,
and walk a lots. Maybe not running. I mean, I walked from the carpark to my class. hehe. And then, you should see the stairs. Yeah, can consider as exercising too, or walking....duhhh!
But I would never do anorexia. Or cutting all those foods to my stomach. Maybe I should join reality show 'The Biggest Loser', should I? But to think of all the cruel excercising, hmm okayyy. But there goes Jillian. Na'ah! Maybe I'll pass! She's a monster.

I want to know an ideal weight for me. When compare to my height, even the doctor suggest I should maintain to 55kg. Wtf??! I am 5''6 (or 166cm) and weighing around 54/55kg. I feel that something is not right. haish.

p/s : all I want is to grab that Zara dress and say "can I have a size 2 please?" But, for now, it's not even going to fit my arms. darn.

TAGBOARD

2009-06-15T17:02:00.005+07:00

i am so addicted to writing today.

hoho.

which means,i am bored to death.

since i have plenty of times and less of

things to do, i will definitely answer to this randomnly question.

TEN THINGS I WISH I COULD SAY TO TEN DIFFERENT PEOPLE. (BUT DON’T SAY THEIR NAME)

1. Can't you see that he's not into you? Make up your mind,girl. He's taking you for granted

obviously. Stop living in a denial!

2. I want a concrete valid reason why you don't like me.

3. Why attract unnecessary drama in your life? You keeps on saying that they have no impact

in your life so can you please just ignore about them? Cos i'm tired listening to all those

grumpiness between you guys. Why don't you guys make peace to each other? You started

as a friend though,why end up as a foe?

4. I wish you'd see that you deserve better.

5. I wish you stop acting kinky and talking bout ur sex life anymore. It's too private to share it

with everyone because either you like it or not, the way we carry ourselves, the way we

speaks, the way we dress, it does reflect to who we really are. Especially when you are

Muslims.

6. I can lend you my shoulder for you guys to burst your tears out. I know how you feels. You

can pretend like everything's gonna be okay and yes it will. But let's not afraid to cry and

reveal your other side of weakness. I am here if you need me.

7. I still care about you. Wherever you are, just be safe okay.

8. Don't pressure me, most of the things you tell me to do, I despise doing them.

9. You are my friends. We laughs together and being all mean sometimes. But if you ever cross

that line once again, i won't hesitate to delete you from my life. Second chances are given

for you to use it wisely not throw it up. And if you do so, still i will forgive you, and do

forget you too.

10. Please respect my pace with life.

NINE THINGS ABOUT MYSELF

1. I love reading inspirational and motivational books. I love surrounded by intellectual peoples.

2. I can argue for small thing and drag arguing about it for entirely day. Hidden talent.

3. I wish I can control my mind to accomplish some things.

4. Whenever a friend/relative plans on flying to a country, or driving on long distance, driving late at night, or walking to the nearest 7-11 to get food, I always think of the worst: accident, kidnapping, murder, etc.

5. I hate that when I'm angry I can't switch it off.

6. I like being alone :) I like silence, I like this state of mind.

7. I wish i have the strength to continue my studies to the master level, in order to get you, i need to have the intelligence to cope with the knowledge and money to graduate.

8. I don't want to be a billionaire, I just want to have few million dollars in my bank account,

9. because if I have lots of money, then I won't be motivated to work, and then my life will have no challenge. it will be dull and we don't want it,okay?

EIGHT WAYS TO WIN MY HEART

1. make me laughs.

2. impress me by the way you speak and think things through.

3. have a life of your own and respect my SPACE.

4. patience.

5. chemistry, chemistry, all that matters to start something.

6. win over my families and friends.

7. clean. neat. tidy.

8. trustworthy.

SEVEN THINGS THAT CROSS MY MIND A LOT

1. death.

2. future.

3. money.

4. certain people and daydreams scenarios.

5. loss weight.

6. that guilty pleasure.

7. shopping.

SIX THINGS I DO BEFORE I FALL ASLEEP

1. wash my face and making sure it is clean.

2. pee.

3. organizing my day for tomorrow by the hour. (eg. 7am-wake up, 12pm-lunch, etc.)

4. call or msging or anwering call or replying msgs.

5. pray, then daydream.

6. keep finger cross that weird things wont appear when i open my eyes in the middle of the night.

FIVE PEOPLE WHO MEAN A LOT TO ME. (IN NO ORDER WHATSOEVER)

1. siblings.

2. mom and dad.

3. dearest friends.

4. that special someone.

5. grandma.

FOUR THINGS I’M WEARING RIGHT NOW

1. stripes short.

2. pink sleeveless.

3. hairband.

4. underwear&bra.

THREE SONGS THAT I LISTEN TO OFTEN

1. Enrique feat. Ciara - Taking back my love

2. Tyler Hilton and Bethany Joy Lenz - When the stars go blue

3. Todd Rundgren - Hello it's me

TWO THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE

1. Be a good Muslim.

2. Forgiven for all the sins that I have done.

ONE CONFESSION

1. I'm left uninspired.

are you lonely tonight?

2009-06-15T15:59:00.004+07:00

lonesome, on a weekday night.
or perhaps even weekends.

I'm slowly beginning to miss those late nights fun
or should I say early mornings feeling?
tipsy at night and hangover the next morning.
some people addicted to caffeine which i hate the smells of it very badly.
and i never thought i have any addiction to anything particularly.
i don't do cigars,but yes,i do take alcohol.
liquors only to be exact.

somehow,i manage to slow down (not literally stop) since i am
in a relationship currently and there is no ways i could have the green light from him
to even sip a slightest amount of it.
frankly,i miss gulping down those red wine or tequila because i get dehydrated.
i miss the fun nights,walking with those killer stilletos,
play the dress up theme with the girls
and even miss the look on my friends when they dance.
the sway, the pout, the cheeky move and the gesture.
what i miss the most is,those bloody songs that the Dj play
and we move to the beat and even sings out loud as if only us girls
were in the club.
gosh. i should stop now.

cos too much of fun isn't fun anymore.
i am happy i've been in that phase of life.
now i am taking a step forward which revolve my career.
good luck,fyfy.

KAAA-CHING $$$$$

2009-06-14T23:24:00.003+07:00

Dear MONEY,

why do you keep running out on me?

why do i need you so badly?

why am I always broke?

what have I done to deserve this upon me??

I am a good person with a good heart who does good things for humanity!!

I deserve a lots of you just like everyone else!!

why dad didn't shower me with so much of you lately?

I stay at home like a good girls always do.

why can't you just fall from the skies?

why oh why?

Knock Knock

2009-06-14T22:19:00.003+07:00

I gotta say it's what bothered me lately. It keeps me wondering at night. Where am I heading to? Where are WE heading to? Something bout how I feel on us. Somehow it doesn't seem right these days. I used to believe that I made a wise decision but it haunted me lately. It's different now. Cos we are two different peoples with lots of differences. It's hard to say. Maybe I can’t stop getting my hopes up and watch them fall every time. Another colour turns to grey. I feel like I am turning into someone else. I don't think I am me anymore. I am slowly changing. For the better? Might be. But I can sense that the true-self of me is fading away. I seriously can't make my own decision anymore,cause you always there next to me telling what is right for me. I don't decide anymore. I feel too clingy and dependant on you. I lost me.

I feel that I seriously have to move on and be myself again.

I know it is a good thing that there is someone who always there to guide me. I've learned so many things from you. You accept me for who I am and I truly thank yous for that.

But right now,I am confuse. Shall this come to an end? Or shall I continue on what we already build? I am scared what life could brings to me. I am a big thinker and plans a lot. When I'm with you,I have no plan at all or even a back-up plan. We had fun and love but is this enough to make this relationship more secure for the future? I work so hard for my future and I really hope it pays off. But you were different,you accept everything that came or may come to your way. You are so full of surprises which scared me sometimes. I plan things carefully. When it didn't come my way as expected,I dare to take the risk and start all over again. While you,you accept all things with open arms. You made life look so easy and I envy that.

However,I don't want to stop learning from you. You teach me the value of life from below to the top. And I struggle my arse off to reach my goal,ambittion and mission. I dare take the chances, the risk that we might not see each other ever again. And I dare to continue what we had. The only that matter now,which road should I choose? Be myself once again,strike for the dreams and goals OR loosen up myself,take the chances to have all the fun and not worries where life takes me. I am confuse.

But whatever it is,thank you for what you did and the wonderful experiences that i thought i wouldnt have. So either we able to stand still and be together or perhaps go on to our different paths,I promise you one thing,I'll try my very best to be there when your heart is filled with sorrow and despair and I'll carry you when you need someone,you'll find my footprints in the sand of your life. Either as your girlfriend or your friend:)

And this is the secret that I kept from you,knowing that it will hurt you. Keeping it,is hard enough. Telling is another thing. Sigh.

Hands Off!

2009-05-12T06:22:00.003+07:00

im so tired to blog actually . in few more days time, going to Miri which i am soooo not looking forward JUST bcoz IM SOO TIRED and SAD leaving.............

im not that great, just fine. not bad, sad, or totaally down. im fine.its still good ;) i just couldnt stop thinking bout sum things, n couldnt sleep all the time. hmmm, i guess its normal? yea..

oh god im super-pathetic! i keep thinking people are getting angry at me..haish! i wonder why eh. i always act as if i dont care but i do,okayy. i really really do! darn. u know the type of ppl who act like they dont give a shit, but at the end of e day,, they r the one yang hopelesss? i shoud shud up,perhaps from now on! START NOW!!

everyone is so damn nice,n im so damn mean n cruel n bad.. Why do I hafta be the bad person olwes?? And why do I deserve sucha good caring undastanding bf? It's a good thing though,but I feel badd.. Who should I blame on this? hmm. Maybe I shall blame my dad for the traits fo being straight-forward and insensitive.

If i tell my mom about the dilemma that m dealing wif,she would says something like this, "hahh,yalah ktk jaik glak kat org. salu usin harsh words and tones wen u talks. be nice okayy" (menusuk jantung trus jawapan mamaku!) On the other hand if I tell my dad,he'll say " let em talks bout u. don't give a shit. by thinking of it,polah ktk pun ssh ati jak. gago apa dpdh org" SEEEEE!!!! my dad yg ajar me fo being insensitive okayyy!

i need an emergency help now!

seven is my lucky number.

2009-05-01T15:06:00.003+07:00

seven things i can't live witout ;
1. money.money.money!!
2. handbags.haha
3. hair serum
4. glossy lip gloss
5. handphone - will try to make it as top priority sooooon.
6. music tat keeps me alive all night long
7. ICE CREAAAMM. but nw on diet,aish!

seven things i appreciate the most:
1. blisfully life
2. supportive families
3. loving plus caring boyfriend. awww. haha. miss u yang!
4. lesson that i've learnt in life
5. besties,girlfriends,guyfriends. love you guys!
6. motivation books that motivates me and keep my head up high.
7. moneyy. ohh plss come and never go,wahai money ku syg! haha.

seven things i plan to do:
1. get my ass off e lappy rite at tis moment and start my revision! sigh.
2. cut down my mood swings and swearing.hehe
3. stop drinkingg. yeayy babyy,sooon.
4. become a betta muslimah and pray moree. InshaAllah.
5. happy just to be me cs i believe m gettin fcukin plump each and evry dayy.
6. be successful and earn a heck of lots of $$$$.haha
7. love my boyfriend evenmoreee ;)

seven things i DON'T actually believes:
1.fairy-tales cs i live in realityy babyyy. there's no such thing as "and they live happily everr afterrr..." they shud write e continuition of cinderella's lives or snow white,perhaps? hey,takkan they nvr had a fight wif their husband keee??
2.love at first sight. naah. easy comes,easy go. been there,done that!
3.that love brings happiness. okayy,it's quite true but not entirely. nuff said.
4.guys are nice and guys won't cheat??yeahh rite!haha.exception for my boyfriend,pleaseeee?
5.coincidences. i dun believe in coincidences. cliche as it sounds? deal wif it!
6.ppl says that edward cullen is totally hott! wth?? if he's hot,wat shud i define steven straits and hayden christensen then?? edward cullen=NORMAL looking guy.muahahaha.
7.trust. i hardly trust anybody at the moment. my secrets is safe in my own hand.

seven things i can do:
1.daydreaming all day longgg.
2.become a Hulk whenever you want me to ;)
3.swear like a pig
4.shopping,of course and dancing! oh i love dancing!
5.slap you if you rude to me,my mother and my sisters. try me!
6.non-stops talking.
7.eat those vanilla ice-creams that m craving rite now.

seven things i can't do:
1.focus on my studies
2.stop daydreaming and thinking and daydreaming and thinking
3.forgive and forget. i can do that. i forgive you and forget you,too:)
4.waiting!! urgh,i hate waiting!
5.spend money on proper things.
6.says 'm okay and everythings would be okay' eventhough it ISN'T! m very loud and clear. wen i say m not okay,just leave. i'll come back to you when m okay.
7.be nice cs i am mean.

seven things i say most often:
1.bodo.
2.babiiiii. (Asta!i knowww.haha my bad!)
3.sooo??? *expressively*
4.hmmm..mana-mana la ko cya!
5.kan? kan?
6.bongok mena!
7.pajaakkkkkklaaaaa!!

seven things i wish i'd say more often:
1.sorry and mean it.
2.thank you with smile upon the face.
3.pleaseeeeeeeeeee???
4.assalammualaikum instead of hey babe,what's up!
5.i love you without him saying it first!hehe.
6.ohh that's okay i am fine. (usually i would say Fineeeee!!!) see e different?haha
7.compliments all my dear friends and loved oness.haha.

Sorry seems the hardest word.

2009-04-16T21:33:00.005+07:00

Emotional wreck. That should be just a perfect words to define me. haha. I lived in my thoughts which is full of madness, craziness and everything mix-up in between. I say things bluntly and (will or maybe) feel sorry after I spit it out. Those who are close to me knows me very well. And those who doesn't, hah, now you know! And I'm not proud to say that okayy.

I am sincerely sorry to anyone and everyone if I've ever hurt you in any ways. Intentionally or unintentionally. I speak and think later. haha. I feel horrible and guilty. It is always me who started all the chaos and turns out the other party will end up saying sorry. I am sucha bitch! It's hard for me to accept the fact that I made mistakes. A lotsss of it. Even if I'd come to realise it, I would definitely ignore it and made as if I was right all the way. Shyiit! My bad! And to those who always says their sorry eventhough they did nothing wrong, please please PLEASEEEE, I insist you guys to stop saying it. Cos I'm not usually the type who would say so, so we're cool yeah :) As long as we didn't go bitching each other afterwards then I'm cooool.
To kakhasz, sorry oh tak mala kecik ati mk xpat jak-jak kua ngan tak these few days. It's not that I don't want to,trust me. I've been busy studying for my exams. Will make it up to you laterr,promise!
To sayang,ngegeh mintak puji! haha. Sorry for the troubles that I cause these few days as well. Sorry juak cs tetiba duak tiga aritok sik alah-alah dtg antu ngan ktk. Nw u know sapa ur real gf actually. Kalah rimo,nak? haish. Boh kecik ati yang oh. Sorry for all the rules and regulations due to our next meet up which is after I've done with all my papers? haha. Nahh. Adalah mk ngagak tak lak ohh! Bertenang bah! And thanks for understanding ;)
To mom,haha. haih! It's funny we could argue for all the silly nonsense things but no matter what, you're the coolest mom everr! Dhla tweija nk molah ambut kedak rihanna. Sa cute aih eh! Sorry tadik xtolong buat baju time ujan. Abisku kenak kerepak! Lekak ya sik smpey 5 minit bait balit apatek nya gago bercita hal ada org tua ofisnya try to flirt with her. And I cracks a laughs cs she says,if nya gk mudak tek xlah apa ngenja kedak ya,tok dh berambut putih,berserban gik ya! hahaha. Sorry mom cs we always argue but you are the one who will comes up to me first and says u're sorry. Loveyouloveyouloveyou mom!!
To everyone out there yang penah kecik ati at me,sorry aight. Maaf zahir batin:)

I will make sure that I will try to improve myself to be a better person,InsyaAllah. In future if there could be even a slightest misunderstanding between me and you,I learn that we should discuss it with an open mind. I've learnt my lesson,don't make your own decision when you're angry cs you will end up regretting later.

And now,I'm not angry:)

See you soon. darn. See you AFTER the final is overr.

Oh So Random.

2009-04-14T16:46:00.004+07:00

Been trying to study which is obviously NOTTTT working.. I somehow distracted that i dunno where my life is going. darn. The final is coming sooooon n im still in the mood of daydreaming.. A lot lot of daydreaming... Blegh! I don't have enough time. Trying to recover from my AWFUL fever and my DOUBLE HORRIBLE flu! I really have to revise my books everyday just so that i dont get lost again like last year :P haha. And I really should get a kick on the butt to make me study a lott :P

Oh somehow, I unintentionally open his photo album via facebook.
The most ironic thing is, I laughs looking back at those moments that I'd cried but I just can't believe that I'm actually break down and cry looking back at those laughs that we'd shared. Wish you eternal happyness. xoxo.

AM I?

2009-04-04T18:21:00.003+07:00

You Are Somewhat Approachable

You are a fairly friendly person, and you're definitely not scaring people away.
You do tend to have your guard up strangers, and rightfully so.

How approachable you are depends on who is trying to approach you.
You're friendly to people who seem harmless and nice. But you also know how to give creepy people the cold shoulder!

Are You Approachable Person?

ADDICTED TO LOVE?

2009-04-04T18:10:00.000+07:00

You Are 50% Addicted to Love

Might as well face it, you're addicted to love.
You've been a fool for love many times - but are you the wiser for it?
Your needs should come first, both in and out of relationships.
Because you're the only one who can look out for yourself!

Are You Addicted to Love?

we called ouselves as soul-sistah

2009-03-30T20:31:00.010+07:00

TO FARAH ELEENA FOHAD, MY DEAREST FRIEND FOREVERRR!!!!

Here's are our pictures together. Goshh, I mishh u darling! Oh yeah love, I didn't mean to sabotage you in any ways pun okay :P

Ade gak my pictures yang fuglyyy and I'm going to publish it too neways.hehe. Just missing you like puppy misses bones. eh? wtf is that supposed to mean ah? Anyway, I am sorry for being sucha pain in e arse for that effing time that we've been friends. I'm sorry if I ever hurt you in any ways -purposedly or unitentionally. hehe. Sorry for troubles that I always cause. Sorry for being too lazy cause I always suroh you drive my car. hehe. Sorry cause I oftens woke up late during weekends and missed our rojak kuchei's breakfast. Sorry for not being there for you when you need me. Sorry for being too harsh to you sometimes. Sorry for always doing shite things and you always there to save me. Sorry Sorry Sorry Sorry. (Baruk topic sorry jak tok!)

Thank you for being sucha wonderful friends everrr. Thank you for always laughing to my stupid jokes. Thank you for always there listening to my mumblingness and gives inspired solutions! Thank you for believing in me. Thank you for the letters that you'd been sending to my family and I. Thank you for being a part of me. There is no words that can utters how much you mean to me. I love you, dear fara.

Stop saying that you looks fat and fugly! Cos you are not, okayyy. Those who shitting bout you doesn't knows how to differentiate between diamond and stones. Boohooo to them! Stop being so bloody humble,love! Sometimes you must stand up for yourself. Stop living in their shadows. You are a great persom and be proud of who you are! Chehh, I am supposed to post a pictures of us but end up polah karangan agik. darn. haha. Fulls of craps, that's me :)

So here we goes.

Oi, ada juak pix mk xkacak eh! Boh lalu nanges ngga ada your pix nampak taik idung or rupa you macam org nak terkentut! hehe.

HEARTS U HECK OF A LOTS, FARA!!

p/s : i absolutefcukingly missing you :(

TRANSFORMATION.

2009-03-29T14:45:00.003+07:00

Beautiful sunny day outside the window and I plan to stay at home and be a good girl today. Both eyes on the clock, it's 3 : 58 p.m. Here I am in front of the computer feeling relieved with my own self made decision. Acknowledge and reminiscing the past. Sucha nostalgic period at the moment I can say. Looking back at those moments and where I stand now, gosh, I believe I've changed. Few friends notice. It's good to change, don't you think? Some kind of transformation in the process of growing up.

But hey, let's not get things too serious. I have some news to share. I am someone's girlfriend, officially. haha. Can you believe it? I am no longer single. Okaaay. It is weird thou. Although before this, I've been posting several entries due to how sucks I feels on being single and miss being in a relationship. Now, amek kau fy!! haha. Well, it's a good thing thou. He's a good guy*fingers crossed* I feel content, whole and yes, happy. I know for some people it is just nothing particularly interesting. It's not that I'm winning awards or having my 15 mins of fame. But I've been bloody single for one bloody year. It's a big deal for me! I've gone through a lots of thinking and planning. Maybe this is about time that I should give it a try. Awkward. Insecure. That is what we supposed to feel in the beginning of our relationship, kan? Oh I forgot that feelings. To make it worse, I forgot how to love. I mean, I am very bad in action. I say things that most couple didn't says.

But I believe the past six months when I worked through my insecurities and confusion, and was depressed for most of it, I learned how to be happy with myself and regardless, to make peace and follow the paths to where it leads me.

Some people may not agrees with my decision. I've received a bunch of messages telling me this and that, saying that he's no good for me and etc etc blablabla. What if, IF I am the one who is not good for him? I appreciates all of your concerns, but this time, just please, let me decide what is good and right for me. I know you guys been helping me a lot and plays match-making me with your friends. And most of them are truly truly good guys. It is normal for frens to do that, protecting other friends by advising them to choose the right guy. But I'm a grown up woman and I know what I want in life. He is a good guy, no doubts. Yeah he used to be such a jerk long time ago. But people changed. I believe he's changing now, for better. So, what if he's the wrong guy for me? What if he turns out to be sucha moron like he used to be before? What if that there's going to be a bad ending in my relation? What if? What if? I'm tired of 'what if'. I wanna know 'What is'. There were never mistakes in life, just lesson to be learnt. It's okay if he's the wrong guy for me. It's okay if things wont work out like what we've planned before. It's okay to feel insecure. What really counts is, how we take what happen surrounds us. It helps me in the process of discovering myself, and making myself to turns into someone wiser. Do not afraid to take risk. The greatest teacher in our lives is learning through mistakes.

Thank you guys for being such a wonderful friends to me. I know you guys may feels offended on what I've said just now. Thank you for protecting me. It feels good to know that you guys truly cares about me. Especially sis H. Please don't be mad at me. I know you were dissapointed at me because I didn't chose the guy of your choice. Sorry.

Well, it is hard to please everyone. People can say what they want but to me, what truly matters is what I want.

Life goes on.........and it only gets better! :)

I know I may sound irritatingly positive and cheery, like an episode of Barney’s or that awful children’s TV show, Teletubbies, but I shared my insecurities, my lowest points recently, and it’s only fair that when I am happy or having doubts, I can share that freely as well, without having to worry if somehow, I may be subconsciously trying to prove anything. I didn't. I just wanna share on how I'd think what is the best for me now.
You have the rights to support me or to not support me or maybe ignore me. You choose.

Sorry for all the troubles that I cause, dear friends.

Loves.

SUPERWOMAN

2009-03-22T21:23:00.004+07:00

Okay, so my dad has assigns me to go to Miri next weekend for work presentation. darn. I have to help him through this as the last presentation that I made before quitting my job, totally sucks. Like super sucks! haha. So I have to fix this thing out. I'm sorry, Mr.AsrulNizam for ruining your project last time. I didn't mean to. I will make it up to you by presenting the most astonishing plan everrr this Saturday, okay?hehe.
So, on Friday I'll be travelling alone. It has been quite some time I don't travel alone. Usually, I go with my dad. But my dad is in Miri already. So, back to me. Alone. Hmm. It'll be a breeze, right? I mean, I just have to get into the right plane, take the right luggage and smile sweetly when I pass airport security. I used to travel alone before this. Yeah, I am soo like the girl who would jumps into plane whenever having a fights with boyfriend or to surprise him. But that was before! That was like two years agooo!! darn. Can't believe I am the girl who would do anything just for love, baybeeee! But.... people change. I am not that kind of person anymore......maybe. Maybe the thoughts of having someone waiting for me at the other place, makes me eager to do some ridiculous things. Like travel alone. But now, there would be NO ONE waiting for me at the side of other place, and it scares me. What if I'm lost? What if i got kidnap by kidnappers? What if I lost my luggage? The closest I've ever gotten being independent recently would be shopping alone. I remember walking aimlessly, feeling incredibly grown up that I was there with no gossiping girlfriends by my side. It was an incredibly exhilirating experience. I felt so grown up. I could hear Destiny Child's 'Independent Women' palying in the back of my mind. And I remember thinking....heyyy, this is fun! I should shop alone all the time!! Well, ONLY when there was absolutely NO ONE to accompany me. Well, back to Miri. So, it'll be a breeze. I can just imagine myself next week, looking all chic with my designer briefcase and Gucci sunglasses, chin up, looking as if I was born as a hot traveller who travels for entire bloody life. Yeah, I'll look ubercool. darn! As if I really had designer briefcase and Gucci sunglasses. ahaha *giggles*

p/s : Mdm Azura, could you please assign some quiz or big assignment for the whole class so I could skip going to Miri for some ridiculous business trip that I don't have any clue on? hehe. I had the weirdest urge that I am going to screw the presentation...againnn! duhh!

SNIPPET

2009-03-22T20:02:00.007+07:00

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name :Fyfy
Birthday :23rd July 1987
Birthplace : Kuching, Sarawak.
Current Location: Still in here. A Place Like No Other.
Eye Color : Blackk
Hair Color : Brunette.
Height : Five foot Six.
Right Handed or Left Handed : Right-turr.
Your Heritage : Malay Arabian and a hint of Chinese.

The Shoes You Wore Today : flip-flops.
Your Weakness : Oohh Oohh clothes and accessories and handbags and junkfood and ice-creams
Your Fears : I'm a bit of agoraphobic, which is, I'm afraid of height places.
Your Perfect Pizza : it's gotta be topped with sooo much oooey gooey cheese mmm.. And please no weird stuff like bell pepper *shudder*
Goal You Would Like To Achieve : finish my degree wif a bang, baybee! And meet my significant other:):)
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: 'Is tat soo??' and 'Kan?' ahaha.
Thoughts First Waking Up: Shyiit I hope I don't have a new zit on my face.
Your Best Physical Feature: Can I not answer this question so that I seem humble? hohoho
Your Bedtime: ...is super early, like, 10pm..or maybe 11? still, i'ma a boring girl everrrr lately.
Your Most Missed Memory: Being in love. Those laughs, fights over nothing and crying for nothing. haha
Pepsi or Coke: Undoubtedly, pepsi. Less sugar! Me love:)
MacDonalds or Burger King: oooh another toughie...can I say both??
Single or Group Dates: Single of course! But if the guy sucks, then group. hehe
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Ermm, dont they both taste the same or something
Chocolate or Vanilla: Vanilla Ohh La La!
Cappuccino or Coffee: Cappuccino, coz it's more glamorous haha
Do you Smoke: Nope, hate the smell of smoke xculy.
Do you Swear: wtf kinda question is this?? like wtf??!@#$%^&*^$
Do you Sing: Yeah,tahing my shower, while driving..haha
Do you Shower Daily: hahahahhaa likeee DUH
Have you Been in Love: it must've been looooveeee but it's over nowwww it must've been goood but I lost it somehowww
Do you want to go to College: I AM in like, the best uni in Malaysia, like omg, like. eat thaaatt!!
Do you want to get Married: HELL YEAH......
Do you belive in yourself: more than anyone else *smirk*
Do you get Motion Sickness: yess, like all the time.
Do you think you are Attractive: I'd like to think so!!
Are you a Health Freak: exactly the opposite! hahaha
Do you get along with your Parents: we have our differences but we're good. I think.
Do you like Thunderstorms: Nooooooo unless you're in bed or cuddled on the sofa with a hottie who turns out to be Hayden Kristensen or perhaps Steven Straits, then I LOVE them heh heh
Do you play an Instrument: I wish! But I'd smitten to a guys who can play instruments especially piano, bass, drums. Hotnesss!!
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: No, sober all that friggin mont.

In the past month have you Smoked: Big NOO. Told ya, I don't smoke.
In the past month have you been on Drugs: hmmmm, No. I'm a nerd, nerds dont do drugs. yeahh, I am UNcool. So??
In the past month have you gone on a Date: yeah I did:) But it didn't work out. Tooo baad.

In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: No, omg it's been ages. Oh wait, I had oreo ice cream, does that count??
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: Ewwww, to think about all the raw meats, urge me to puke...like RIGHT NOWWW.
In the past month have you been on Stage: Nope nope.
In the past month have you been Dumped: Nope, thank god *phew*
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: No, but I would LOVE to!! It's in my "things to do before I die" list. Right next to swimming with dolphins and skydiving.
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: stolen people's hearts! ahaha Laameeeeeeeee
Ever been Drunk: a bit tipsy.

Ever been called a Tease: to someone I knew and close..ONLY! hey, Im not such a moron okay.
Ever been Beaten up: No, but I can think of some people I wanna beat the shit out of!!!! grrrrrrrrrrrr!!!
Ever Shoplifted: no no no no no
How do you want to Die: with makeup on and smile upon my face? eheh
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: A respectful superr-duperrr rich woman

What country would you most like to Visit: oooooh ummm china, coz everything's made in China.haha Nahh, too long to list.

In a Boy/Girl,
Favourite Eye Color: Ooooh, I dont care as long as he has sexy eyes that smiles (eyes DO can smile,okay!)
Favourite Hair Color: I prefer dark
Short or Long Hair: short, but not too short. Long enough to run my fingers through :)
Height: he's gotta be taller than me even when I wear heels!
Weight: dont care, but can he please do not has to be thinnier than me?

Best Clothing Style: Party poopers suit.haha

Number of Drugs I have taken: wtf??
Number of CDs I own: you don't wanna know ahaha
Number of Piercings: 4 on the left side of the ears and 3 on the right. used to pierced my nose as well.haha gangsta loving!
Number of Tattoos: tattoos are not cool. wish it is legal to have one.haha
Number of things in my Past I Regret: 2,378

LOSER ENUFF?

SO MUCH FOR A MR.NICE GUY, EH??

2009-03-19T21:55:00.009+07:00

and the award goes to our Best Actor which is full of lies..........................

If there is one word to describe you, i should define you as the 'Drama Queen', but of course, unless IF you were a girl. darn. Lucky you though, cos u're a guy. Hmm.. What should I called you then?
'Dramatic Guy'. Too common. How about, 'Drama King' ? Nahhh, too gay-ish (and cs u're not gay,kan?) or perhaps u should be called as the 'Best Actor'? Puuurrrr-feeccct!!
Undoubtedly, I used to respect you before this. And the worst part, I tend to believe that you are such a decent, good guy. In our case, I am the one who always has a chance to be a bad guy, a culprit and a trouble-maker. I am very loud! I am being myself. And you? On the other hand, you twist your real self by being someone else. That is not fair, okay! I am piss off because I thought I knew you, but I didn't. Who are you exactly? You said that I am complicated. Complicated as in I used to say that I like you but yet..I don't want you. What is wrong with that, huh? So I do like you, but that doesn't means that we have to be in a relationship. You keep pushing me, looking for an answer. I told you, I am not ready! Can't you understand? I don't feels the butterflies. And yes, it is important for me to have that kind of butterfly thingy cause it's a sign, don't you think? A sign that we have falling in love. And I asked you to wait, because I need to develop that kind of feeling towards you. But you point your fingers on me, telling me that I am enjoying seeing you waiting and keep holding on. I did my part too okay. So it is not that obvious but you know that I am not good in actions or even words. I need a lot of times to think. I told you many times. You didn't listen.
Do you even realise that you always says different things but then, you act completely opposites with what u're saying. You said you would give me the times that I need to rethink about us. And space too. But the next day, you would ask the same question all over again and was eager to know my answer on the dot! U're being irrational back. Okay,you like me. Very much. And you want me. Okay. Thank you. I mean, I appreaciate what you're doing all these while. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I felt guilty cause I know you deserved someone better than me. I salute your patience. I almost fell in love with your patience and love.
But suddenly....the truth reveals! Next day you said 'maybe' you don't love me at all. Maybe you just love the chasing. What the fcukk?!! Man, you are playing this kind of childish game all on your own! And who do you think I am? Some kind of game? I never had any intention to play you. It's just all in your head! So, u're not in love with me. So, u're in love with the game. Point taken! The only thing that I can't understand is, what's with the rush before this? What do you want actually? I figured you are the type of a guy who NEED to be in a relationship. Why petrified being alone? Single? What so bad about it? I've been single for quite some time and I survive! Or maybe you rush because you want to prove something? I sense something, but I don't know what it is. I'm just wondering, if you are not in love with me cause you just love the hard-to-get game, then, why are you rushing before this? Why keeps on saying that we both can actually work this relation out? I am confuse. WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?
Of all these while, I really thought that you are a good guy. And I kept telling myself, guys like you deserved someone better. And I should be lucky cause you still want me. Bullshit! It turns out that you are just another wanker. And I really really wanna give you a chance. I really did. But you ruined it. You totally ruined it. You don't know who u're messing with, mr. pretentious!
Stop saying that I'm spitting out this anger in my OWN blog because i fcukly mad at you when you said that your love is a lie. Oh no no no. I am mad/angry/furious/frustated/annoyed/irritated at you because I can't believe you are such a doofus. You didn't deserve me. Thank God, He shows me who you really are and what are your intention on me exactly. You deserved someone who is just like you. An I bet, you know who. We both know who! You guys will make such a lovely couple and deserved each-other! Duak-duak drama queen!!

I am not some kind of game.

Stop pretending.

All of you is a lie.

I'm not a good girl but AT LEAST i stay true to myself. I shows my true colors. I am not hypocrite.

No more dramas, please. Yeah, you deserved a standing ovation for making me believe that you are someone that I knew, who turns out into someone that I don't know at all.

Thanks A Lot!

I'm Sorry, Goodbye..

Life is a stage of dramas

2009-03-16T21:46:00.004+07:00

These are my favourite quotes that always keep my head up high and motivates me. I'll share it with you guys and I am sure that you guys are gonna love it..as I did ;)

PEOPLE QUOTES

" They hate me and rate me simply because they ain't me "

" No one is normal. There are just a lot of weird people with things in common. "

" Never long for anyone from the past. There is a reason why they never made it to your future. "

" I know I'm not perfect. I can't pretend to be, but before you point your fingers, make sure your hands are clean "

" Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define YOURSELF "

" Too many people try to fake their way through life. That's why the real ones shine so brightly "

" Life is too short to be distracted by the opinions of the others "

" Reality is for people who lack of imagination "

" When people who don't know you, hate you, that's when you know you're the best " - Paris Hilton.

" When you judge someone else, It doesn't define who they are. It defines who YOU are "

LOVE QUOTES

" Love is not who you can see yourself with. It is you can't see someone you without "

" Love is like quicksand. The deeper and deeper you fall in, the hardest it is to get out "

" If you love someone more than anything, then distance only matters to the mind, not to the heart "

" Love is not about 'it's your fault' but 'Im sorry'. It's not 'Where are you?' but 'Im right here'. Not 'How could you?' but 'I understand'. Not 'I wish you were here' but 'Im thankful you are' "

" Ever notice that the people who hurt you the most are the ones you tend to love more "

" Why do we close our eyes when we dream? When we cry? When we imagine? When we kiss? Because the most beautiful things in life are unseen "

" Ive learned that you know you are in love when you want to tell everyone about it, even if they haven't asked "

" Lust is when you love what you see. Love is when you lust for what's inside "

" I play the same song over and over cause it reminds me of you "

" Immature love says, I love you because I need you. Mature love says, I need you because I love you "

HEARTBREAK QUOTES

" People think it is holding on that makes you stronger, but sometimes it's letting go "

" Sometimes all you need is a broken heart to realize that something even better is right in front of our eyes, just waiting to be found "

" The worst feeling in the world is knowing you've been used and lied to "

" I don't know which is worse, being the one with the broken heart or being the person that breaks the hearts "

" Sometimes we must get hurt in order to grow; we must fail in order to know. Sometimes our vision only clears after our eyes are washed away with tears "

" I wish I saved all the tears I cried for you so I could fucking drown you in them "

" It's really painful to say goodbye to someone that you don't want to let go but its even more painful to ask someone to stay if they never wanted to stay "

" If you don't love me at my worst then you don't deserve me at my best "

" What do you do when the only person who can stop your tears is the one making you cry "

" I'd rather be your lover than your friend, but I'd rather be your friend than your nobody "

" Don't stay because you think "it will get better". You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better "

" Too often we don't realize what we have until it's gone... too often we wait too long to say "I'm sorry, I was wrong" "

" The higher you build the walls around your heart, the harder you fall when someone tears them down "

K.A.R.M.A

2009-03-16T21:33:00.003+07:00

In your life, you meet people.

Some, you never think about again.

Some, you wonder what happened to them.

There are some you wonder if they ever think about you.

And then, there are some you wish you never had to think about again. But you do.

Cruel Joke

2009-03-13T19:50:00.006+07:00

I went to pick up my mom from her office and it was rain that evening. I waited for my mom to come out, and there, I saw a smartly dressed young couple came out of the communal doorway, both clutching briefcases and umbrellas. It was starting to drizzle slightly, and he took her umbrella from her, opened it out, and handed it back. Aaaw,so sweet. Don't you think? Eventhough it was a simple act of consideration, but it reminded me of how attached love can brings to two people. Those little gestures were so important. Someone pouring you a drink before you'd got round to asking for one, running you a bath because you looked tired, or opening your umbrella before you even thought of doing it yourself.

Ah, the last time someone had done anything for me had been about 1 years ago or maybe 2. Hmm.. Can't recall actually.

As cliche as it sounds, time sure does fly by..

I think I'm still in my denial stage...can you believe it??

The last goodbyes that I received last two years were pretty tough on me. I keep on telling everyone that I am okay and I've moved on. But back then, all I need to do is to convince myself actually. It was so hard for me to grasp was the fact that, that chapter of my life has ended. We had so much funs and I miss those funs. I miss holding hands. I miss the hugs. I miss the late-night talks. I miss the fights. I miss all the regular ritual that couples do.

I miss to be in love.

Year Of The Gentleman

2009-03-12T22:28:00.009+07:00

Currently, I am addicted to Ne-Yo's song 'Mad'. Plus, a cred to Neyo for his abilities on songwriting. Sucha beautiful lyrics! *envy his gf*
He is as famous as for his songwriting as for his singing. See how talented this sexaay guy can be? I am infatuated with all of the lyrics thats been written by him. How lucky his girlfriend! And I bet he is waayyyy better than Chris Brown. Why did Rihanna chose Chris Brown rather than this super-talented Neyo. He even look much more hotter than Chris Brown..and even taller!haha

It must be hard to be hot and talented. But our Neyo sure makes it look easy. And he is soooo cool. *drools* He even wrote Rihanna's number 1 hit 'Take A Bow' and 'Unfaithful' and Beyonce's 'Irreplaceable' and the songs were massive hits for the summer and are still played til today. How's that for a resume??
He launched his third album "Year of The Gentleman". Aaaaww,the title itself already shows how hottt he is. The album is smashingly outstanding. Recommended to you guys!

So,here is the link on Neyo's latest song 'Mad'. Ohh,I can't stop myself from singing this song.....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X_6Og2LIshE

p/s : I lurf lurf lurf lurf this song. It reminds me of the old days. Ahh,how I wish for having sucha talented boyfriend who can writes inspired love songs..hehehe whaaaat?? I am not demanding though,I only speak on behalf of other girls as well :)
p/p/s : i adore guys who can sings and play instrument. Temptation. Sexy. Seductive. Hotness.

Superstititous

2009-03-12T14:41:00.006+07:00

I've come to realise......

WHY COMPLICATE THINGS WHEN WE

CAN BE HAPPY ?

WHY KEEPS ON QUESTIONING WHEN

THERE IS NO DEFINITE ANSWER ?

WHY MISS THE FUN

WHEN THERE IS NO LAW TO BE BROKE ?

SO, LIVE YOUR LIFE :) *cheers*

It's not a big deal!

2009-03-11T03:37:00.005+07:00

I've received so many feedbacks regarding on my previous entry. The confession that I made regarding a crush on my senior. haha. I think it is normal to have a crush, don't you think? And I think some of you guys been too dramatic after reading it.

Please la.. Takkan la tak boleh nak suka kat orang? Haiyaa, I ni masih mudaa! Tak kisahla nak ada crush kat org ke, crash kan org ke..... Moreover, it was last season's story okay. Why do you guys have to make this sucha big deal?

And people doubtedly asking " so if that is supposed to be your private reading for your own self, then y lah u publish it? "
" eh fy, sapa guy ya tek? Account juak ka fy? Apa mk org xtauk ohh " Poret juak miak tok tek ohh.
And even this bah org msg me, " tang tulis jak nama nya sia. sapa tek X yaa? apa ku xtauk pun ko suka kat any1? Ko xda cta aku pun? Gyalah kawan?? "
And etc.. etc..

Hellooooo people, I don't use a realname cos I have to consider other people feelings as well. And why did I keep it to myself?? Haihh,sukati lah. Dah nama nya crush. I didn't expect that I'm going to publish it too, you know? And the reason why I published it, because.. this is my blog lah weh! Stop asking some ridiculous question that may not have an answer. And I don't feel like telling anyone about liking this person so much, before this.

Enoughla with this. Let it all end in here okay. But before that, here is my favourite quote of all time,

" There are something better left unsaid"

Renung-renung kan lah..haha!

I say a lil' prayer..fo me

2009-03-10T21:44:00.009+07:00

Dear God,

You know how muuuuccccccch I love you ;) I really do. And I know you know that. Errrr, we both know I've not been very good lately but im not that naughty i reckon.. A bit la. But not too much la,kan? hehe. Well, the thing is, I KNOW its your job to give me challenges or obstacles or anything that you called it, but lately, its been too hard you know? I mean, it is a bit CONFUSING, to be exact. Perhaps you could adjust it a lil bit? I'm going crazy just to think about it. What am I supposed to do anyway? You didn't show me any sign..at all. That's frustating. I know im not supposed to, but i can't stop myself from being so mad at you. I know I shouldn't. But I can't help it. Sorry :'( But maybe you could fix this anger too. I'm not that angry actually. Just a bit frustated. I am confuse. What am I supposed to do? Okay, so you can't answer me. But at least you showed some signs? Pleaseeeeee. And I do know you have trillions of others to think about rather than the hopeless me, and I knoooowwww and aware that my request is kinda silly, but I really do hope you could help me. I want my feeling back. I don't want to be heartless anymore. Okay, I will stop adoring the Kanye West song's entittled 'Heartless'. I will not use it as my ringtone anymore, okay. I promise! And you know right, there is this one guy who really-really and really(100x) likes me. You know I'm not bragging about this,kan? Well actually, can you please help me to develop that kind of like feeling too? I want to like him back:( Instead, I want to like him more than he likes me. Or maybe, equal? He is a good guy and you know it. I can sense it though. I really need to know. I hate being so confuse. Emphh, I guess that's it for now. Thank you :) Bless me, okay :)

Lots of Love,

Me:)

Living it up!

2009-03-09T09:43:00.007+07:00

STOP EXPECTING!

Not many of u guys would agree to this. I know. Basically, what I mean is, I expect too much before this. So, this is actually a reminder for myself to not expect anything from now onwards.

I used to interpret people through my first impression on them.

' Ohh, she's nice. And sweet. And well-mannered. We could be best friend!'

' I can't believe we are on the same page! You know what's on my mind. I guess that m starting to like you '

My perception about other people get in the way of a good friendship or even a relationship. Undeniable, we invent the perfect flawless character when u meet someone new, but when the relation/friendship gets deeper, you are dissapointed that they are different. Different because you are not aware that the first character that you see in the first place is just an imagination that you created.

Stop expecting! Stop expecting that everyone is a good decent person. And stop expecting something bad may occurs in your friendship/relation. I believe, U'd be surprise to see how many good people exist in this world. I tend to believe that we all feels insecure sometimes. Let's just free ourselves from the plastic world. Be what we want to be. Do what we want to do. And speak up! IT'S GONNA BE OKAY! We are free to crossover :)

p/s : I'm not angry ;)

To let it out, to let it in

2009-03-08T21:23:00.004+07:00

It's been ages I have not updating my blog. It's just sometimes I feel so exposed by the thing I agree to share with here on blogspot. I think most bloggers do feel that way, maybe... Blogging is like giving speeches. The part when you're on your own in your room, typing what's popped out on your mind, which do feels like giving a speech with no audience up front. Confidence up, heart rate NORMAL, no sweat, and it is really exciting than being on a real stage. Then there comes a part when you would have to click on 'Publish' for your article to be visible to the public - that part is like walking off the stage after giving a speech, not knowing how'd people look at you after that. It's quite intimidating but so much relieved.

Blogging has been so much chalengging. Particularly on the days when I happened to be a very strong opinionated person. Of course when you've written such a strong entry & not everybody agrees with what you've said, there might be people who'd look or show as if they don't agree. On such days, a famous quote that speaks

" If you don't stand up for something, then you'll fall for anything "

Everybody has a choice, a moment to choose. There is always a moment. To tell or to not tell. To read or to not read. To judge or to not judge. To believe or to not believe. To understand or to not understand. And to respond or to not respond.

And only a fool will say his choice does not reflect who he is, because if you can't be yourself , you can never be like somebody else.

So who am I going to be? And you?
I adore Oprah,though..:)

Let love find a way

2008-12-10T23:30:00.009+07:00

What makes you so special than the others?

I have no clue.

Not a single hint of irony!

I like you so much.

I like you very much.

I like you too much!

After all these years, I tried to avoid a real relationship. Avoiding commitments,that's me! Since the broke-up with an ex of mine, seems like everything turned upside downs which is far beyond my expectations. I expecting freedom, joys and happiness! So what if I can be friends with all the guys that he use to forbid me to be-friends with? So what if I can go out anywhere and anytime that I want? So what if I can wears anything that suits me? But I guess,sometimes I feels an emptiness. Like something is missing. There is no one to argue with. No one to made me so damn angry and able to made me switched my phone off and yet still hoping that he would find me,in any ways. No one to say what's right and what's wrong for me. Oh how I miss to be loved and in love!

It's over a year now. There are certain few guys who is trying so hard to impress me but the thing is, I have no slightest feeling on them. Yeah,call me stupid! Idiot! Whatsoever! Most of them are good guys, I mean quite good-looking, educated, concern, caring, blablabla.. But one thing for sure, it takes two to tango. How can I involve physically and mentally with any of them if there is no attachment on feelings? Eventually, it will hurt them as I know myself very well.*chill down*Well basically, I knew this one guy. Let's just called him as X. He is my senior in the University but somehow this should be his final semester. I have to admit, the very first time that I saw him during my first semester, he gave me this kind of goosebumps feeling. Yeah, it's weird though. I don't even know him yet I felt like somehow someday we will have our chance to get to know each other*crossed fingers* Since then, I always bumped into him but he showed no signs of interest. Boohoo! haha. And lemme tell you something, I even hired an investigator - not some kind of paid's private investigator! Just a friend of mine. I asked him to search for his phone number, and yeah, he did! The next thing I know is, I texted him and pathetically there was no replied from him! So, that's that. After that, I know that it is impossible for me to get his attention. So, I backed off.

3 years goes by and we did our own thing. This should be my final semester for me in Diploma and final semester for him in Bachelor. Somehow, miracle do happens...eventually! He makes his first move by sending me a message in my friendster :) :) :) Okay! And he knows me! I mean, literally, he noticed me!hahaha Since then, we REALLY DO got a chance to know each other personally. He asked for my phone number and we went out several times. I really dooooo have a crush on him!

He is different than other guys that I barely know. I mean, there is something about him that males me wonder "So,what's next?". Unpredictable. That is how I would define him. He is totally not a sweet talker. He only says what he only needs to say. Very quiet. Never talking crap. Patience. And hates arguing. When we argue, he will remains silence. Yeah, that could be soooo stressed up for me. But looking at the bright side, it also means he does not like to bring up nonsense things and turn it to big issues. You have no idea how much I adore him! I have no guts to tell him that I like him in any and every ways. He did'nt show any signs that he liked me back. We never spoke regarding that kind of bonding feeling actually.

Now you know how much I like X. Sooo soo much til it hurts me badly. Seeing him so close but yet it feels so far. Smiling and laughing to our jokes but deep inside fighting for this friendship remains beautifully as friendship. All that I wanted is to tell him how much I care about him. How much I am going crazy just to think about him.

But it is time to let him go and say goodbye:( Even it is so hard for me to let him to go, I'll always have the memories. She'll always there for you exactly the way you want it too. Yeah eventhough you don't know how my feelings on you, that's okay:) Maybe that is love. To be able to let the one you love be happy with or without you. No worries X, I'll always pray for your happiness. After all these years, I'll miss the signs and spent my life searching for "The One" when you were right there in front of me. And it took me 3 years to realise it. It is too late for me . I can't believe, all along you were the one. We spent three years studying at the same place, bumped into each other for the umpteenth times and all the time I never knew.

But that's okay. I know that my heart will find love again:) So now is the time to begin. Chaiyok,fyyy!! Til love comes again, i'll be OKAY :D

p/s : It was supposed to be my private journal for myself. But, you insist to read it. So,here you go. And please please please, I hope our friendship will remains the same as before after you read this. No pressure k, u-noe-who :)

p/p/s : It was written a long time ago. Only been publish recently. Cool yeah,everyone :P

Man VS. Women

2008-12-05T21:32:00.004+07:00

Basically, I have nothing to write but I've got an inspiration for writing an article on Mars Versus Venus.. Sounds tempting? Heh..

Let's see..

HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN.

Wine her. Dine her. Call her. Hug her. Support her. Hold her. Surprise her. Compliment her. Smile at her. Listen to her. Laugh with her. Cry with her. Romance her. Encourage her. Believe in her. Pray for her. Cuddle with her. Shop with her. Give her jewellery. Buy her diamonds. Send rosses to her. Hold her hand. Write love letters to her. Go to the end of the Earth and back again for her.

HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN.

Show up naked. Don't block the TV. Let him play PS1/2/3 all night without interruption. Served Pizza.

TO MAKE A WOMAN HAPPY.

A man only needs to be her,

a friend
a companion
a lover
a brother
a father
a master
a chef
an electrician
a carpenter
a plumber
a mechanic
a decorator
a stylist
a sexologist
a gynaecologist
a psychologist
a pest exterminator
a psychiatrist
a healer
a good listener
an organiser
a good father
very clean
sympathetic
warm
funny
attractive
attentive
gallant
intelligent
creative
tender
strong
understanding
tolerate
prudent
ambitious
capable
courageous
determined
independent
true
passionate
dependable

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO :

45. give her lotsa attentions and loves.
46. love shopping.
47. be very rich.
48. not stress her out.
49. not look at other girls.

AND AT THE SAME TIME, GUY MUST ALSO :

50. look your very best when going out with her,
not when going out with your best buddy.
51. give her lotsa time, especially time for herself.
52. give her lotsa space, not worrying wherever she goes.

IT IS VERY-VERY-VERY IMPORTANT

53. Never to forget :
*her birthday
*monthsary, anniversaries
*promises
*arrangement she makes

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY

Sh*g him
Leave him in peace

NICKNAMES

If Sophea, Melissa, Amalyana and Amelia go out for lunch, they will call each other Sophea, Melissa, Amalyana and Amelia.

If Nick, Gary, Bryan and Edward go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Gay-Boy, Peanut-Head, Godzilla and Scrappy.

EATING OUT

When the bill arrives, Nick, Gary, Bryan and Edward will each throw in RM20, eventhough it's only RM32.50. None of them will have nothing smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculator :)

BATHROOMS

A man has six items in his bathroom : a toothbrush, shaving cream, a razor, bar of soap and a towel from the Holiday Inn.

The average number of item in typical women's bathroom is 37. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

FUTURE

A woman worries about her future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about his future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS

A successful man is one who makes money more than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a successful man:)

DRESSING UP

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants,empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and sleeping.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

So, what say you???

This is my card..........

2008-11-21T00:17:00.004+07:00

Recently, I have been staying at home pathetically and being a couch potato, acting like a complete loser!! What can I say? There's no bf to bring me out and cheers me up T_T
So, I have been contemplating on whether or not should I get a job. Me, working????!!? I have never-ever worked a single day in my whole entire life so far!! I mean, I helped my dad before this but it is totally beyond "working".. But maybe - maybe! now it is a good time to start any..hmmmmm..I do need some cash to get that fabulous purple dress from MNG, and I also need MAC's blusher, nude mocha gloss, concealer, foundation.. Ugghh!! Almost everything la.. T_T soo kesian ohh? In that case, I will DEFINITELY consider working then..

I don't want today to turn out just like any other day! I need to stop planting myself in front of the TV and waste another 24 hours! So, today I'll get my ass off the couch, put on some nice clothes and go look for a job:) Yup, I'm totally a new person today!!:D I now feel like being " Sophea, the girl who grabs life by the balls..the girl who make things happen!!!" chewahhhh!! WORLD HERE I COME!!!! Err,that is after Oprah.. Teehee!=P

Update at night!

And surprisingly... Something bizzare happened today ok! I got a job!!!!! Okay so what if it's just an admin clerk at my dad's company ( small company btw and it's a joint partner watsoever ). Well the thing is, my dad is away for business trip in Miri so his partner was the one whose been interviewing me..heheh Yeayyy!! I got my first job, without my dad's suggestion, helps or bla bla bla.. heheh I'm proud of myself! This is my FIRST job, FIRST interview, FIRST real task - yeah you read it right! But hold the judgement please, I'ma late bloomer. I know I'm lame coz I'm all excited about getting a measly job but I get bloody paid for this and that will be sufficient enough to buy 1 dress and 1 foundation..heheh But but, still there is something much more bigger and better which is, I have something to put on my resume laterrrr (yesssss!!), and not being teased for getting a job by daddy's help (double yessssss!!) You know what, this kind of feeling, It's kinda like getting your first real kiss or having your first relationship. It should be a huge deal shouldn't it? I aware that I'll definitely have a love-hate relationship with my job cause it's going to be crazy once the company get a big tender to handle. Somehow, I'd like to think it's a ticket to greater things in my life, a sort of indication that I'm actually growing up and making my OWN money ( i repeat - my OWN money woohooo! )
Sophea - Now admin clerk , few years time PRIME MINISTER!!! Hoyeeaahh!! Watch out world. here I come!! Oh and if everyone would pray for me so that I don't screw up horribly and get myself fired ( before dad's coming ), I would be foreveerrr grateful, Thanksss!!:):) Oh btw, STEP ASIDE PAK LAH!!! Muahahahahahahaha!!

p/s : Just for the record, no I'm not planning to work with my dad all my life, it's just till holiday ends. You wanna know what is happening in the office? hahaha. I get my own desk and using working clothes and and oh yeah, I'm gonna tell you a sacred secret... Lemme give you a hint! Office backstabbing bitches ( funnaaayyy!) So, how fun is that huh? I am starting to like this new environment..hahaha
Updates you later! Toodles~

happy ending..

2008-11-17T16:27:00.005+07:00

Every story has their happy ending...

Mine will come soon..

Sooner..

If God's willing..

In fact, let's keep a crossing fingers for a

"never-ending happiness"...

Just Dance Pt. 2

2008-11-17T00:48:00.012+07:00

As i promise... Here are the pictures:)

So let the pictures speaks for itself aight:)

Enjoy!

we had funs!

with partner-in-crime,say helloo to Mel Lissa!

meet Zaem...errr,and he's not ready for the snap! Herrreeee Zaem!! Oh nvm,he's cutee in here:)

So she loves me..heheh

geesh! Where am I lookin?he's a good dancer!eheh.. salute u,bro!

Messed! haha

I guess that's it! Too sleepy to upload every pictures in here.

Night-Night!

ZzzzZZZzzzzzzZZZZzZz.......

Just Dance pt. 1

2008-11-16T10:21:00.004+07:00

I've had a blast night last night!! Went to the Silhouette and the place got packed with crowds.. The music is more into Club & Pub.. Yeahh, I'm loving it!! Too long till I can't even remember when was the last time that i dance! So all bodies to the hips and legs got all cramped and aches everywhere.. But i was enjoying the night and we got cam-whored all night long!! The pictures are not with me now, still with Deeno and Melissa.. Will ask them to upload for me later aight!!

Ohhh guess who did i met last night??? Lotsa lotsa old friends, partners-in crime, crushes (yeah..with the -es) haha.. and my my my.. I even met "that" particular guy who used to ruined my previous relationship with my ex-boyfriend! We said "Hi!" to each other and that's that! The funny thing is, he is totally NOT the type of guy that I would fall to.. He's cute though and for God sake, he looks innocent!! You guys heard me! He looks I.N.N.O.C.E.N.T, but I'm telling you -Never-ever judge a book via its cover!!~ Ohh I met Zaem as well:):) Okay,back to the story..
"That" guy- he is not the type with all those schweet wordsla but he's cool, demure which is veryy the effin quiet okay! and simple.. So not my type okay! I am soo totally NOT cool, very loud and talks too much and I love Bling-Bling. and Gladiator. and cute tops. and sexy Lingerie. and I watch Gossip Girls and and.. Fy, enough la with youu!!! heh..=p
We used to get hooked up with each other before and that is because I wanna try something different for me. So I crossed the border line. Heh Heh. But but the relationship cannot go on due to many problems. I can't give up my 3 years relationship and he can't give up his girlss (yeah with the -sssss) I'm telling you, I know him for a months and I deal with lotsa shits within that range of period! Urggghhh! So much for a different guy eh,fy?

Now lets moving on! Love is crap! But why bother searching and longing for it,uh? Right now, I don't need a boyfriend to complete me.. But I do want a fling!! hahah.. So much hating the commitment right now.. And do you know what else that I want?? I wanna dance!! I love dancing! I thought that I should take dancing class this holiday, don't you think? Or perhaps, practicing and learning new moves at the nearest and happening clubs. Haha!

So I'm tired writing all these crappy silly things. I better stop! Will continue mumbling later,guys:) See you soon. Very soon!

Till then, toodles~

temptations..temptations...

2008-11-13T22:54:00.006+07:00

Today smells a bit different. Not like yesterday. I'm hungraaayyy!! You know what I feel like making? A white chocolate brownie. How contradicting.. A WHITE brownie. Now that's amazing! You know what else is amazing? The fact that I am still hungry even after I've had like, 4 Big Apple's Donuts, 2 sticks of marshmallow chocolates and ICE CREAM.. Yuummmyylicious! Sucha finger lickin' good! But i supposed to get a vanilla ice-cream when the lady rip my heart off when she said only chocolate left.. Grrrrrr!! All my day filled with CHOCOLATE yaw! It's not that I don't like chocolate, it just that vanilla taste much much much moreee betteerrrrr~ Oh yeah, for your infos, I am infatuated with ICE CREAM - vanilla ice cream! Ohh La La!! Vanilla ice cream seems like associated with everything happy in the world, like rainbows and ponies and yeah..unicorns(are they even existed before??now perhaps?)haha..

Well, this blog was brought to you by Sophea's left side of the brain.. errr,maybe right! Whatsoeverrrr!!~~~

it supposed to be whiteee!!! urrgghh!! u win,chocolate!!

My favordest of alllllll!!! Indulge the temptation.. *drools*

Retarded

2008-11-12T17:37:00.002+07:00

My my my.....

Insecurity can be such a bitchy can't it??

ha ha ha ha ha ( insert bitchy wink here )

It's true!

2008-11-09T21:25:00.004+07:00

.......I desire simple things.
*sigh*

The ironic thing is, I am complicated. Complicated but simple. Heh! What is that supposed to mean?

Why is it that for SOME people, the thought of getting into a serious relationship seems as appealing as scrubbing an elephant's ass, but yet the thought of being alone is extremely petrifying. What is it that we're searching, hoping and waiting for anyway?

So,i have an issues with myself..

To commit or not to commit?? Hmmmphh..*wondering*

You think you know, but you have no idea at all..

2008-11-03T20:52:00.003+07:00

It's funny how people assume your character even when they don't know anything about you.. I've had people telling me I'm spoiled, wild, arrogant, rasa kacak, annoying, snobbish and etc....and they don't know where I've come from, what I've been through or ANYTHING about my history. I may look "spoiled" to some people who think I'm not capable of standing on my own two feet..but underneath this exterior is a completely determined girl who is going to succeed in life by doing it all on her own, and I don't need people assumptions to bring me down.

There's some people who obviously don't have a life and is damn bored with things surrounds her and she just tries to irritates and annoys me and think that she can inflict me even just a bit of pain in the ass! Boohooo! Soorrryy gals, my world seriously does not revolve around you *bwekkk!* Don't ever think that I am going to fall for all the bullshit stuffs that you guys tried to create, aight! =) I have a fabulous life to live, no time for all those nonsense things.

Well,I better stop complaining now.. Need extra-extra sleep! And by the way, my taxation paper quite tough! Big suxxxxx!!! I went blank during the exam.. Totally blank! What is wrong with me????? Whatever! Better focus on my next paper:) Think positive,fy! Gambate!!!

p/s : To someone that challenge me to delete "that" blog, well I just did :D
I am moving on! I will stop living in the past and be a better person *crossing fingers*
And thx for your advices.. Your sarcasm made me open up my eyes=P Thx,you-know-who-you-are!:=P

sighs

2008-11-03T20:03:00.003+07:00

" That thing, that moment, when you kiss someone and everything around you become hazy and the only thing in focus is you and this person and you realize that, that person that you're supposed to kiss for the rest of your life, and for one moment you get this amazing gift and you want to laugh and you want to cry because you feel so lucky you found it and scared that it will away at the same time "

( Josie Geller, Never Been Kissed )

Behold, my future!

2008-11-01T21:17:00.003+07:00

Okay, so i'm having a final examination now.. and please please please Lord, i wanna graduate on time!! To think about all the upcoming papers, it makes my head spinning upside down..
blerggh! Let's talk about something more interesting aight =)

So I've been single now.. Well, this is the perfect time for me to rethink about the bad side of me and try to change it.. Improvisation!!*wink*
I was once in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR), but it was painful even selfish.. Painful because the only thing that connected us was cellphone!! T_T And nooo, we NEVER web-cammed or 3G-ing to each other.. To think about it now, why ohh never use it? eheh Enough with the past.

People usually petrified to be alone. But not me. I prefer to be alone. single. myself. errr,maybe at this moment je lh:) SUPER SINGLE. And ready to mingle! Single as Kraft cheese singles (yummylicious!need to remind myself to get some next time grocery shopping) hehe..
Sure I'm excited but what happen if I am still single at the age of 24, 25, 26?? 29?? NO NO NO!! I can't and won't let it happen.. Please Lord, open up my heart and I don't wanna be heartless nemore..Tsk..Tsk.. I have plans,mind you.. At the age of 24, i should be working with this big well-known company and get paid a big sum of amount every month. Should engage to my dream guy at the age of 25( no i don't have any dream guy at the moment except for hayden christensen but he's taken dy..boohoo!) and at the age of 26 I shoulda be a wifey to somebody.. heheh.. Be a good responsible mom at 27;););) Me waaaaaaannnnt a baby soo soo much! Can now eh? heheh.. Kidding!
My friend is getting engaged today and she's only 21.. At friggin 21 already a fiancee to someone.. *envy* And don't tell me you didn't checked out people's profiles on friendster, myspace or facebook and gasped when you see their "married" status and then almost faint when you see they have babies, all this at YOUR age or year younger or older! In fact, only today I was checking out this hotty mommy's profile on friendster - just one year older than me and she's got a beautiful baby girl, a good-looking husband, a big mansion that can fit 10 peoples in it, AND is very slim and gorgeoussss. I caught myself thinking, " I want this. This is the life that I want " I have always thought I was going to married young ( and blame my mum and aunties for this! ) and have a beautiful family all by 26/27 :) Stop snickering me now wehh! Yep that was me and something tells me it's still me sometimes..errr,most of the times =P

But let's face it, I'm not going to have a beautiful Tiffany n Co engagement ring ( the three stone Lucida ring:D) on my finger anytime soon - unless a miracle happens T_T Sometimes I wish i had a crystal ball so I could just get it over with and hunt down this man I am supposedly spend the rest of my life with sooner. Ehehehehe.. But to think about it, maybe it is much more exciting to not knowing. I have read a zillion articles in Cleo and Cosmo which list down the " Top Ten Reasons Why Being Single Rocks! " or " Top 15 Things You Can Do Without A Man but With Ice-Cream " (Okay, so I made that one up..) but why do we need to convince ourselves that being single is great! or fun! ?? Maybe being single can be fun without having to remind ourselves why it's fun....

It's okay to worry as long as it does not affect my whole life. So what if I won't have a ring on my finger anytime soon? So what if I don't have a beautiful bouncing baby by the time I'm 27? So what if I have nooooo idea who this lucky man will be... ahem..:) or if he's even in the same continent as me as we speak (or write?)

Proudly, I decided I love not knowing what or who is going to come 'round the corner. There's the fun right there. The anticipation of knowing somewhere, somehow The One is out there doing (and he'd better doing something classy, like reading a book, listening to jazz - not like picking his nose or farting around..heheh). And if all else fails, I will turn to the wise words of George Michael - you've gotta have faith.

End of me!

2008-10-27T22:25:00.007+07:00

I wanna be normal....again! I wanna sees the world. I wanna smiles even confronting the ups & downs in life. I want to be strong and not afraid to reveals myself. I wanna fight for what i believe in & not become what others want me to be. I wanna sings out loud everytime i take a step forward. *sighs*

The ironic thing is,there is a lots of things that i've been thinking about..maybe planning..blerrghh,i dunnoe! I've been thinking a lot about my future and dwelling a heck of a lot on my past that I need to direct all these thoughts somewhere, so where else but blogspot.heh!
Sometimes I can't sleep at night because I'm petrified of what's in store for me in the future. Where the heck will I be working? And as whatttt??? And will I like this job that I'm doing? What if my pay is crap and I can't afford to buy designer handbags, my dream cars and my envisioned on my future is totally just a distant dream??? Whenever i think about it, it got me so petrified and get these shivers down my spine and resist me the urge to puke..*ewww!gross!*

I am totally lost deep inside the world of mind that i created..boohoo!
Get a life,fy!R.E.A.L life! =P

m a messed even wen i was driving.

dekat rumah org pun,m a messed!!!

this is how i looked like when m all stress out!

-THE END-

Thank you for loving me..

2008-10-27T21:55:00.003+07:00

i chose to stop trying..

i chose to let you go..

i chose to not be selfish anymore..

i am truly deeply sorry,sayang..

i can't bear watching me hurting you..do not wait for me..please,

for your own sake..find someone that deserved you more than i do.

i do care for you,i do like you and i do love you..

but i know,it's not the same love that i can give..
this has nothing to do about HIM anymore,i can assure you..
the only problem is ME..it's always me.
i am the one who always create the chaos between us.
i am the one who always think of myself before even thinking of your feeling.
i am the one who is being bossy all the times.

stop asking me to keep on trying cuz in the end,m gonna hurts you evenmore..thank you for
being there..thank you for listening to all my crappy shit talks and thank you soo soo much for every-single-thing,sayang..
i know that i should stop calling you sayang..but i wont..for now,perhaps..
you are the most amazing guy i ever knew and met..
i will never forget you!

Thank you for loving me,sayang!

this is a depressing blog, so don't read it.........

2008-10-20T18:59:00.003+07:00

I find myself facing so many trying times in my life - especially lately, one after the other,that I've grown NUMB to everything. And I'm not even 22 yet. Maybe it's about time I actually start forwarding those damn chain letters I delete so carelessly in my inbox. It's funny how I have never been superstitious, yet with everything happening lately, I pick up a penny when I see one, knock on wood, avert my eyes quickly when I read a 'chain comment' on youtube (you know the ones where if you dont repost it you get bad luck till the day you die, like when you're on your deathbed trying to breathe your last dying breath and say your last dying words to your wife/husband and kids and suddenly, an airplane drops on the roof of your house just as you struggle to open your wrinkly mouth) - anything to keep more shit happening to me in my life. Call me stupid, but I'm desperate. Really desperate. I just need things to be....NORMAL.I want to be happy with my life..or maybe I need a break from it, maybe just a breather. Sometimes I even find it hard to breathe because my heart and head feel too heavy. I had the weirdest urge to run in front of moving traffic the other day, but I know I was just being dramatic. Besides, I never thought myself as the suicidal type. Even I had a Britney-inspired idea- contemplated shaving all my hair off (Britney, I feel you gal!!). I swear, if I was a drinker I would be a raving alcoholic..right about now. I've come to a conclusion - the older you get, the more shit you get happening to you. Depressing, izzit? Told you not to read this blog.. Cheers :x

Ima Lion, hear me ROAAARRRRR!!!!!!!

2008-10-18T16:00:00.002+07:00

LEO WOMAN She will stand out of the crowd on the street. The Leo woman is normally tall or rather tall. You will hardly see a short thick woman. When she walks she walks like a queen, confident and does not look around, as if there is no one around her. She will dress in her own style not according to fashion. She is confident of what she chooses to wear. Do not buy cheap clothes where they sell in dozens for her as a gift, she will hate it. Also do not buy clothes that do not reflect her confident personality. She likes unique and strange clothes and accessories. Being different is what she loves. If you want to know her, take time and be patient because she is selective about people she mingles with. She's opened minded, yet she is not letting people get too close to her easily. She likes sweet words and compliments, but not too much. She smiles with anyone, but inside she thinks she is born to be a leader. She likes to be in control because it is in her nature instinct. She is a graceful woman, and she has a magnetic charisma, so expect tough competition. She is a very proud person, so do not do anything to challenge her confidence. She can be mad and act like a hurricane, and later can be like an innocent kitten, but do not fall for that. She remembers everything and likes to cherish her sweet memories, so if you find her old photo albums with her ex-boyfriend or love letters that will make you puke, take it easy. This does not mean she is still in love with her old flame, so you do not have to panic. She will have many guys run after her, so if you have the advantage of a good background family, or a famous last name, a successful career then it's a plus. She hates to be poor and she thinks love will not pay bills. If you want to date her, be prepare to spend big bucks, for your first dinner with her can not be a hot dog stand, but the best place in town. . She likes extravagance, no cheap gift, and no cheap dinner. Being poor or broke makes her depressed. If you do not have lots of money, be creative and make your own gift for her. Its unique quality and the time spent making it for her is a big deal to her. You can think economical, but do not be cheap. (....hmmm..not exactly 100% true..I don't think I'm THAT materialistic..I mean, of course every girl likes nice things, don't we? But it's definitely not my top priority. My top priority would be a guy who is PATIENT. )

LION MUCH???haha!

My lecturer and classmates RAWK!!!

2008-10-18T13:59:00.011+07:00

Finally! The Audit exam was over.. The question may looked so easy-peasy but it's kinda tricky.. Will tell u guys sumore later..

I began my day as early as 7.15 a.m. Kinda early as my exam start at 10am.. Soo baik ohh to get up very early on Saturday morning:) Well, it took about an hour for me to get ready and approximately at 9am, i drove to uitm.. Driving slightly slow as usually there won't be any traffic today.. I enjoyed the view sambil singing-singing, dreaming and etc.. When i almost reached the toll, I was looking for my purse in the bag.. And guess what??? I totally forgot my purse okay!! Darn it! Soo clumsy! How can i forgot my purse?? Dhla the fuel soo sikit dy and now i have to make a U-turn going back to my house! Grrrrrrr!!! Along the way, i tried to recalled back why on earth did i forgot the most important thing! Umbrella tak plak lupe.. Ciss! Now im speeding like remp-it dah plak..haha

Sempatla taking a picture of myself..hehe*evils laugh*

Fulfill the minah-rempit criteria ehh?

I reached uitm almost 10am..walauweyh seh fyy! Then i went to the class and getting ready for my exam.. My lecturer sesgtlaa sporting-morting! The class packed with all accountancy students as we combined both classes so there were no seat left. I have to berangkut all the table and chair from another classroom, I even sat with my partner-in-crimes, Fatin and Nadee.. The funny thing is, there were only two tables but the three of us sat together which is very effin near okay.. Dhla my lecturer only sat beside us as we are in the front row.. haha! I am so curious and wonder why this lecturer of us always left us and strolling around OUTSIDE the classroom!! Get the picture? O-U-T-S-I-D-E!! So, we took this opportunity to toyol-ing..haha The three of us discuss the answers but we changed and alteredla the answer sikit so that it won't looked obvious that we had "discussion" hahaha. Mischievous thp dewa tol lh student account! There is one part of the question that require some fact and case yet the three of us had not even single clue on it! The toyol pun cannot help us T-T
So, we borrowed Zulkamal's answer paper..muahahahahaha
He sat at the back row of the class and dapat plak berpassing-passing answer yerr..hehe
Thx dude!! We owe u,man! =P

Here's the kegiatan menoyol tat occured..

Having a serious discussion..eheh

Sempat plak dh!haha..Silly u girls!

Mummy toyol. daddy toyol and yang ditoyol..haha

Classmates.. Chill lah girls! Notice that ALMOST evry1 tu perempuan?? We girls RAWK!!!!

And me with the decent look..hehe*blushing*

So, that's it for now.. haha.. I am not asking you ppl to cheat in class and copying other ppl answerla, it just that i am showing off that my girls are R.A.W.K, my lecturer is also R.A.W.K, my classmates all R.A.W.K and not forgotten I AM TOTALLY R.A.W.K as well haha!!!

Toodles!!

owh yeah,
Morale of the story : Do not cheat/copy/sneeking friend's answer okay.. But u might be able to do it if your frens are rocking like mine! And oh yeah, the lecturer too! Weeheee..:D

I'VE LEARNED....

2008-10-17T14:26:00.001+07:00

I've learned...
that you can do something in an instant
that will give you heartache for life.

I've learned...
that you should always leave loved
ones with loving words.
It may be the last time you see them.

I've learned...
that we are responsible for what we do,
no matter how we feel.

I've learned...
that either you control your
attitude or it controls you.

I've learned...
that heroes are the people who do what has
to be done when it needs to be done,
regardless of the consequences.

I've learned...
that my best friend and I can do anything
or nothing and have the best time.

I've learned...
that sometimes the people you expect to
kick you when you're down will be the
ones to help you get back up.

I've learned...
that true friendship continues to grow,
even over the longest distance.

I've learned...
that just because someone doesn't love you
the way you want them to doesn't mean they
don't love you with all they have.

I've learned...
that maturity has more to do with what types
of experiences you've had and what you've
learned from them and less to do with how
many birthdays you've celebrated.

I've learned...
that no matter how good a friend is, they're
going to hurt you every once in a while and
you must forgive them for that.

I've learned...
that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by
others, Sometimes you have to learn to forgive
yourself.

I've learned...
that our background and circumstances may
have influenced who we are, but we are
responsible for who we become.

I've learned...
that just because two people argue, it doesn't
mean they don't love each other. And just
because they don't argue, it doesn't mean
they do.

I've learned...
that we don't have to change friends
if we understand that friends change.

I've learned...
that two people can look at the exact same
thing and see something totally different.

I've learned...
that even when you think you have no more
to give, when a friend cries out to you,
you will find the strength to help.

I've learned...
that credentials on the wall do not
make you a decent human being.

I've learned...
that the people you care about most
in life are taken from you too soon.

I've learned...
that family and friends are what make
us who we are today, and without them
we would never be complete.

I've learned...

that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

Blessing Life..

2008-10-17T14:09:00.003+07:00

I don't believe in coincidences. Cliche as it may sound, I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. I'm just like any other gal, trying to make a discover of myself & trying to go through life, one day at a time, blessed with things surrounds my life, and life itself has been overwhelming. I'm quite old enuff to know that I've done some pretty bad things in life that I should regret. Those are the things I did in trying to discover myself & appreciate myself evenmore. Everyone has got their way of living it, so I try not to judge others. I've learnt that people are truly different, and that is what makes the world colourful, and I have to accept that. I have my beliefs, tho at times it may be shaky, but I try my hardest to live by it. I believe in the power of love, and I'm never ashamed to admit that I'd cry a river if it would make me feel better.

Live a Wonderful Life nw!! *hwugs*

Me want to be a F.I.G.H.T.E.R!!!

2008-10-16T16:40:00.003+07:00

I need a break..Break from reality, break from big massacre of problems that rans through me. The quotes that simply can define my situation now is " Sudah jatuh, ditimpa tangga."..harhar

Kesian me.. But i'm also holding to the phrase "ada hikmah disebaliknya" Cheh!!
Nak sedapkan hati sendiri la tuu..hehe

Ok ok..so these are the lists of an issues that keeps on bugging me lately..
You guys tengoklaa betape sengsarenya my life wif an occurance of the problems nih.

I need to study for my FINAL EXAMINATIONS.
I need an endless supply of $$$$... Anyone out there who is too generous to donate a big sum of an amount to me, you are most welcoming yeah *wink*
I am OBSESSED with Saturday & Sunday.. Lord pleaaseeeee, can u please gimme an extra Saturday & Sunday, pleaseeee?? Promise i'll be gewd :D
I don't feels pretty lately. Lack of self-esteem and self-confidence regarding on my mood swings. I want to be pretty! Can i meh? Tsk..Tsk..
I need someone or anyone lah who can just listen to all my crappy ngerepak-ness.. All those mumblings,babblings.. Noo need to speaklaa, just listen, nod, agree and smiles :):):)
I want a brand new car, can I? Huhu.. A bit demanding, i know.. But but, I've been using the same old car since 3yrs ago o.k!! Despite helping bawak me into my destination, that silly car occurs an expensive breakdowns also maaaaa... Cannot tahan ok! Sakit hati nak mampos!! Huh!
Family matters. Don't want to talk about it! Don't want to think about it. NEXT!!
SYDNEY. PERTH. HONG KONG. JAKARTA. Sucha temptation places to visit and spendiiiiinngggggg... I really-really need a break, ppl! Mane lh tau kowt-kowt terkene mat saleh ke, cowok yg ganteng ke, one of the F4 member ke..kan kan kan?eheh..
REINCARNATION. Bknla the mati and hidup balik kinda reincarnation tuu. Melampau seh! I just want to change and turn into someone new in a positive kinda way lah. I want to be SOMEBODY.. Someone importantlaa.. Taknak lah celebrity ohhh..*grins*
And last but not least, BOYFRIEND. Actually, i have a boyfriend and he's good to me. Very-veryy-verrryyyyy good,Indeed. He's schuper-dwuper schweet, very caring sesgtlaa, understanding nak mamposs ok and patient! Well to deal with me, there has to be a lotssss of patience cuz i m a spoilt brat that needs a lots of attentions and lovess. Well, the thing is, that kinda " lovey-dovey" thingy thing has not develop yet! And he is like tooooo damn good for me.. I like him, won't deny that... It just that............*sighs* Cerewet seh u ni,cik Sophea! Mangkok ayun tol lh!

Now u know what kind of problems that i am dealing wif kan? Bisa my head ok. Klah.. Til next time! Want to eat and figure how to solve those problems.. Oh yea, i'm eating fettucini with lotsa extra cheeseeee.. YUUMMYYLICIOUS!

MOOD-SWINGS!! Grrrrr!!

2008-10-16T16:29:00.000+07:00

M currently having a changing in hormone that brings an impact to my mood swings.
Alert everyone!! I'm easily pissed off currently so B.E.W.A.R.E!!!
The temperature is hot as what i am now..
Not the hawty-hawt kinda feelin' laaa.. Na-ah!
But the hot as in u-don't-wanna-mess-up-wif!! Grrr!!
My head need an accurate time tunggu nak explode je lagi nih.
Despite all of the assignments and oh yea, the final examintaions is just around the corner.....Believe it or Not, i'm still in a lazy bum-bum mode!!

Why so malas eh,fyyy????

Someone out there, anyone please!
Just slap me back into reality!!
I really-really-really need that..
Thx yaw!

Peace out=P

HEY to the LOWW,ppl!!:D

2008-10-16T16:14:00.000+07:00

Hi everyone! My name is Sophea or you can just called me Fyfy ohh;)

Haha! Sucha lame introduction ehh?

M currently new in here..

All of my friends mostly tried to console me for blogging in here..

So,here i am and i wanna toast a warm welcoming to meeeeee and the blog itself..Yeeeheeeaa!

"Welcome to the blogging-world,fyyyyy"

Thank you.Thank you..eheh..silly me!

Hope tat m going to like it in here and yeah..

To the blog itself,jaga me baik-baik ohhh..

Treat me well so we could be the best friends ever!hehe..

So..toodles!See you soon,peeps;)